At your first few events, spend more time watching and talking than playing. Every local "scene" has its own unique culture and unspoken rules.
Standard dating apps can be hit-or-miss (and sometimes hostile) toward BDSM. If you are searching for a partner rather than a community, try these: Searching for- BDSM in-
If you were actually trying to for something like "BDSM in [location]" – I can’t perform live searches, but I can suggest search operators (e.g., "BDSM events" + "Chicago" site:fetlife.com ). At your first few events, spend more time